Dear Mothers: Who Do You Say You Are?

“Are you Kevin’s baby mama?” The baby mama label keeps the focus on the man involved. It gives more prominence to the man than the child or the mother. I’m not knocking a father’s importance; I simply desire to see mothers, fathers, and children referred to respectfully, regardless of the family structure.

The term has become so widely accepted that even Michelle Obama was once referred to as Barack’s baby mama. She is Barack’s wife and the mother of his children…not a baby mama. I can’t speak for Michelle so I don’t know if it bothered her or not. However, I don’t think that was a fitting title for the First Lady of the United States.

Too often we let others place labels on us that we don’t have to accept. I understand if the term baby mama does not offend you. We all have personal preferences. I can accept and respect your choice. But if it offends me, please respect that as well.

I went to the salon one day. When I walked in, a stylist looked at me and said, “Are you so-and-so’s baby mama”. Not only did she have me associated with the wrong man, but I was quite offended. I am Jordan’s mother. She calls me Mommy and, one day, I look forward to her children calling me Grandma or Nana but I am not a baby mama.

Our pride in being a mother should be focused on the child, not the father of the child. We are beautiful, intelligent women. Our role in the development of our children is too critical to diminish or disrespect. We should hold ourselves in higher regard than to be referred to in this manner, or refer to ourselves as such.

Signed,

Jordan’s Mother